Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
dogduke
Posts: 1320
Joined: Thu 03 Jan, 2008 6:47 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby dogduke » Thu 07 Mar, 2019 11:28 pm

Glasgow Nicknames

Dulux. Just has the one coat
Two soups. The man called Campbell Baxter
The Colostomy. The girlfriend of a married man,
The wee bag at his side
Boomerang Kid. I'll get back to you on that
Parachute. Let's everyone down
Genie. Only appears when a bottle opens
Yeti. Long term sickness,sightings not
confirmed
Gas Man. Has serviced a lot of old boilers
Hostage. I would like to help but my hands
are tied
Olympic Flame. He never goes out
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.


warringtonrhino
Posts: 343
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 15 Mar, 2019 10:56 am

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tilly
Posts: 1913
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 15 Mar, 2019 8:01 pm

A man goes to court for a divorce the judge says whats the problem,the man says my wife goes from pub to pub until twelve at night.The judge says why is she doing that the man says looking for me.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1198
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 18 Mar, 2019 2:18 pm

The inventor of the first bulletproof vehicle Ahmed Carr died today
....................................................................................
The Irish Cabinet worried by the increasing price of Oil have decided to Import 200,000 Tonnes of Sand from the Middle East and dig for it themselves.

volvojack
Posts: 1198
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Fri 29 Mar, 2019 11:02 pm

A man driving through a village stops for a pint and finds the Pub empty. when he asks the Landlord why such a nice pub is empty he gets the reply "Its since the pub across the way has got a 1000 play jukebox. If only I could find a gimmick to lure my customers back. The Man says would you pay £100 a month if I could fill this bar. The Landlord quickly agrees so the following week the man comes in with a large duck under his arm. puts the duck on the bar, gives it a packet of cheese and onion and says "I will be in two minutes, he returns with a square tin box, painted like a Stage. puts the duck upon it and immediately the Duck, large feet flapping starts to dance. The governor hands over the money and phones the the following night to say his pub is packed and the more he feeds it crisps, the more it dances. However a few days later he rings again and says "I am very disappointed the Duck won't dance no matter how I try." The man says "Simple answer, Place the Duck on the Bar give it some crisps, take the lid off of "tin box, Light the Candle again, wait five minutes and put the Duck back on and stand back, service resumed
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blackprince
Posts: 702
Joined: Tue 04 Sep, 2007 2:10 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby blackprince » Sat 30 Mar, 2019 3:53 pm

On July 25, 1909, Louis Bleriot piloted his Blériot XI, a monoplane with a 25-horsepower engine, across the English Channel from Calais, France, to Dover, England.

On July 26,1909, the anti-aircraft gun was invented by the English.
It used to be said that the statue of the Black Prince had been placed in City Square , near the station, pointing South to tell all the southerners who've just got off the train to b****r off back down south!
volvojack
Posts: 1198
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 01 Apr, 2019 5:04 pm

A Magician gets a Summer job doing 10 day Cruises, this is perfect as he has a different audience to work to. The only problem is that the Ships Parrot sits there and Squawks out " The Rabbit is in his hat,The cards are up his sleeve"etc As the bird belongs to the Captain there is not a lot he can do about it. One night out at sea the Boiler blows and like the Titanic nearly every thing sinks. The Magician struggles and finally drags himself aboard a Life Raft. at the other end is the Parrot. Finally it says "O.k. I give in what have you done with the ship"
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tilly
Posts: 1913
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 05 Apr, 2019 7:35 pm

WOW.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

TABBYCAT
Posts: 202
Joined: Mon 02 Apr, 2007 6:55 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby TABBYCAT » Fri 05 Apr, 2019 8:50 pm

Clean up on isle five Mr Moderator please. :lol:

(Just gotta love those bots)
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mhoulden
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Location: Horsforth
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby mhoulden » Sat 06 Apr, 2019 12:14 am

Bot duly smacked.

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