Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
Posts: 1180
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Fri 08 Feb, 2019 8:51 pm

Went down to our local Legion Club and there was a Big Fat Lady dancing on a table. "Nice strong Legs" I said "Oh Thank you " she said as she blushed "Yes most t would have collapsed by now" ( I woke up Sat. Morn with six stitches in my nose)
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A week later Iwa standing at the bar and a big fat lass came staggering up behind me and squuezed my A.se. She said "You cute, what about taking me out one night, you had better ring me first. I said "No problem , have you got a Pen " when she said yes i replied "Well you had better get back in there before the Farmer misses you" This time i woke up on Sturday morning with nine stiches in my nose.
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tilly
Posts: 1906
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 09 Feb, 2019 12:32 pm

My wife said to me will you still love me when i am old .I said i dont know get hold,
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1180
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 11 Feb, 2019 6:48 pm

Seen on E. Bay
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Brittanica Volumes Brand New and Unused Reason for Sale, I am Newly Wed and find that Wife know's everything.
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Two Salvation Lasses came to my door today and asked "We wondered if your Wife had any old dresses/coats etc. as we are collecting for starving women in Africa!
I told them If the women in Africa can fit in my wife's clothing then one thing is certain They are Not Starving
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volvojack
Posts: 1180
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 12 Feb, 2019 10:39 am

Valentines day on Thursday. When I told the Wife I had already booked a table for 8 pm. she got really excited. I did not realise she was that so keen on snooker.
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She said "I would like it to be somewhere I don't often go " I suggested the Kitchen last year and she seemed to get quite upset.
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blackprince
Posts: 700
Joined: Tue 04 Sep, 2007 2:10 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby blackprince » Fri 15 Feb, 2019 4:22 pm

Last week the wife told me that she had a dream that on Valentine's day I would give her a diamond necklace. She asked me what the dream could possibly mean, so I said don't worry love it will all become clear on Valentine's day.
On Feb 14th I gave her a gift -a book called " The Meaning of Dreams".
It used to be said that the statue of the Black Prince had been placed in City Square , near the station, pointing South to tell all the southerners who've just got off the train to b****r off back down south!
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tilly
Posts: 1906
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 15 Feb, 2019 9:09 pm

Hi blackprince keep them coming.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1180
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 20 Feb, 2019 3:55 pm

How are kids expected to take notice of their parents now that they have access to d.v.ds and videos.
Cinderella stays out until midnight, Pinocchio does nothing but lie, Ali Baba hangs around with a bunch of thieves, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, Batman drives at over 300 miles per hour and Snow White lives with Seven men. I
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I came home from work and the wife opened the door just dressed in a flimsy night gown. She was carrying a silk rope , she purred and said "This if our anniversary so tie me up and do any thing you want" So I carried her up stairs, tied her to the bed and went off up to the Pub.

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