Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
warringtonrhino
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Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 30 Nov, 2018 8:43 pm

This was drawn when I worked at the same office.
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volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 01 Dec, 2018 7:05 pm

I walked in the Local Pub and all the customers were calling me Paedo and other nasty names just 'cos i am 50 and she is 21. It really spoiled our 10th. Anniversary.
Last night i reached out for my liquid Viagra and instead drank from a bottle of Tippex. woke up this morning with a huge correction.
As it was our 40 th . Wedding Anniversary my wife suggested i get a Penis enlarger so i did, a Polish girl called Greta aged 21.
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 02 Dec, 2018 12:27 pm

It was crisis time in the Vatican as the young Pope was suddenly struck down and all though all the top surgeons and doctors came from around Europe to examine him the universal opinion that he had only 48 hours to live at the most, all except one who took a sample of d.n.a. and said it was just possible he might recover if he had sex. The Cardinals were shocked and said that there had been a Celibate Pope for nearly 2,000 years By now there were half a million people outside the Vatican praying for him.The Senior Cardinal was finally persuaded to have a word so entered the Popes chambers, knelt by his bedside and told him that this was his only hope. At first the Pope weakly shook his head but a the Senior Cardinal explained there were Millions of Catholics around the World praying for him He suddenly agreed but as he went to leave the Pope called him back and whispered "O.K. But she must be Italian, she must be a Virgin and she must have Big Tits"
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 08 Dec, 2018 4:14 pm

An elderly couple met at their local social club and both having lost their partners began dating After some time they decided to marry and shortly before the Wedding they went out to dinner to discuss finances, living arrangements etc.The man thought that the the only thing they had not discussed was the physical side of their of the fore coming marriage. He leaned over the table and took her hand. " Darling how do you feel about us having sex"? She replied " I would like it Infrequently" To which him being a Leeds lad and therefore highly sexed, asked "Is that One word or Two"

volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 13 Dec, 2018 8:47 pm

My dog's not very intelligent, he only understands two words " Sit and Profitability" It took me ages to teach him to sit. For a long time he was running a small Business standing up.
He always misinterprets what i say to him. I said "Heel". he went down to the local Hospital and does what he can.
I got home and he was sitting on the Sofa . I said " Get Down" and he started dancing.
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tilly
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Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 14 Dec, 2018 8:47 am

My dog is so well trained i dare not tell him to die. :lol:
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Fri 14 Dec, 2018 4:04 pm

Have been worried about you, where you have been tilly old pal.

I went into my local petrol station and there was nothing coming out of the nozzle . I walked in and said to the cashier "Have you got your Pumps on ? " He replied No, I'm wearing Flip Flops
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 15 Dec, 2018 12:20 pm

Im fine Jack whats with the big space between this thread?I would like to wish you and your family all the best for Christmas and the new year.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

warringtonrhino
Posts: 330
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Sat 15 Dec, 2018 1:19 pm

:D
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volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 15 Dec, 2018 2:06 pm

[quote="tilly"]Im fine Jack whats with the big space between this thread?I would like to wish you and your family all the best for Christmas and the new year.

Its' 'cos i keep drifting off to sleep whilst typing without knowing it since i had my seizures. Am spending more time asleep than awake. when i awake i don't always realize and am also taking Nine tablets a day which are also
different colours and shapes.
My Wife has had to call out the Ambulance Services twice and this second time at 3am. i threw a wobbler . The first vehicle to arrive was a Fire Engine followed by two Ambulances. As we live in a cul de sac of only four houses you can imagine the neighbors were entertained.
Before you ask me why Fire Engines arrived first it just gives you an idea what the N.H.S, response is like at time. Any road up i am doddering about and sadly din't think i will ever drive again.
Kind Regards Volvo Jack (Jack Daly.)

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