Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 3:38 pm

Hi Dalehelms If you look there are 33 pages of jokes on here just light hearted banter we started it when things were getting a bit out of hand. It was our way of trying to lighten things up a bit i for one think no harm has been done, if it has upset anyone in any way then may i suggest the thread be removed.


Hello Tilly, whilst i appreciate your concern, i would not like to see the "Joke "thread be removed completely.
Ta.
unslet
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed 01 Jan, 2014 7:51 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby unslet » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 4:35 pm

I really enjoy the Joke of the Week,it is a nice contrast to some of the "heavier" subjects discussed.

Please,all,carry on.The jokes are funny and not in the slightest offensive.
For heaven's sake,is this what internet forums have become?If you don't like it,don't read it.
There are plenty of opportunities for bickering and moaning,etc on Facebook.
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blackprince
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby blackprince » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 6:04 pm

tilly wrote:Hi Dalehelms If you look there are 33 pages of jokes on here just light hearted banter we started it when things were getting a bit out of hand. It was our way of trying to lighten things up a bit i for one think no harm has been done, if it has upset anyone in any way then may i suggest the thread be removed.

Tilly, I don't think Dalehelms comment relates to the whole thread just the preceding post.
It would be an overreaction to ask for the whole Jokes thread to be removed.
It used to be said that the statue of the Black Prince had been placed in City Square , near the station, pointing South to tell all the southerners who've just got off the train to b****r off back down south!
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 7:47 pm

An American tourist and his wife were down in the West Country and it being such a hot day they they decided to pull up at a typical English Pub. He ordered the drinks and he noticed a wizened figure sat in the corner he asks the Landlord what is that man's name and what is his drink. The Landlord says That's Ned and he drinks rough Cider. So the Yank introduces himself and sits down.Here is a drink for you. Can i ask you Sir do you still work or are you retired ? i can see by your weatherbeaten, wrinkled face can you tell me can you tell me what you put your longevity and health down to? Ned takes the clay pipe out of his mouth "Well Sor i gets up every morning and has Sex with the Missus and if she is out in the field i has it off with one of the Animals in the Barn. I smokes 40 Senior Service a day, drinks a Gallon of Cider a day"" and a bottle of whiskey at the weekend and Masturbates quite a lot The American is astounded and says And tell me just how old are you" The wrinkled old specimen draws himself up to his 5ft. height and replies " Well Sor if the Good Lord do spare me until next February the 7th. i shall be 31."
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 9:16 pm

I like the jokes but not knowing the feelings of other members i thought it better to check. Although thinking about it its been going a long time without any complaints so back to the jokes.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 9:21 pm

This man has two pet monkeys one dies and the other dies fretting for it.He takes them to a taxidermist and says i would like them stuffing,the taxidermist says would you like them mounted the man says no just shaking hands.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
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blackprince
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby blackprince » Tue 30 Oct, 2018 9:33 pm

A dales sheep farmer gets into conversation with a hiker. The hiker says he is a statistician by profession, so the farmer sets him a challenge to estimate how many sheep there are in his flock, and says if he gets the answer right to the nearest 10 he can have one of the sheep. So the statistician cogitates and comes up with the answer of 650. The farmer says thar’s reet enough, pick a sheep. The statistician chooses the black one. The farmer says you must have gone to Oxford. The statistician says that’s amazing, how could you possibly know that?. Because you just picked my sheepdog.
It used to be said that the statue of the Black Prince had been placed in City Square , near the station, pointing South to tell all the southerners who've just got off the train to b****r off back down south!
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Wed 31 Oct, 2018 9:31 pm

A Yorkshire man goes into a jewellers and says can tha mek a gold statue of yon dog.The jeweller says no problem eighteen carrots no says the man chewing on a bone. :lol:
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

volvojack
Posts: 1101
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 01 Nov, 2018 4:09 pm

Saw an Advert on line 100 Poppies free, must be by 11th. November can deliver in Gloucester area.
Well i was on the phone very quickly and left a message "As i am most likely to be out just leave them in Garage"
A few days later i arrived home from work and as i drove onto the Drive it seemed all hell was let loose.
I opened the Garage door and then i realised The advert was 100 Puppies Free.
Should have gone to Specsavers .......
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 01 Nov, 2018 7:44 pm

Talking of Halloween my old Grandmother who is 107 this year still likes to get involved. her house was just the same as the last Three years. I called round last night and it was just the same. Curtains all dirty and rotting away. cobwebs and spiders all over the windows and Bats roosting in the eaves Even that full size Skeleton on the settee. I knocked on the door a few times but no answer, anyway i will pop around again next year.
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