Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
User avatar
Leodian
Posts: 6154
Joined: Thu 10 Jun, 2010 8:03 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby Leodian » Sat 15 Jun, 2019 12:27 pm

I'm very impressed warringtonrhino with the excellent quality of your artwork. I've never been any good at all at anything artistic. I still recall an art teacher in a school report stating of me "tries very hard at what is, for him, a difficult subject".
A rainbow is a ribbon that Nature puts on when she washes her hair.
volvojack
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 17 Jun, 2019 1:32 pm

Murphy sees Paddy in the pub and asks him "How are you getting on with your new 50 inch H.I.
F.I.Television" Paddy replies It'samazing, i only have to turn the knob that is for sound only and it is like listening to the radio,
......................................................................................................
Mrs.Dunne sees Paddy walking down the street of Ballypuddle village and runs after him"Paddy
i hear that you are leaving today for London and i wonder if you could do me a big favour,my lad has
been over there 6 months and all i have had is a postcard from him marked London w.c.1.
Couls you please get him to write to me as i am very worried." Paddy says
will do his best but he has heard tha London is a big place.
He steps off te boat train and is going to find his lodgings when he see a sign
W.C he goes down the steps and sees a a row aof numbered doors. Walking up
to number one he knocks on it and sayys"Are you done?" A voice replises"As a ,matter of fact i am
Paddy says "Well please write to your Mother,"
Last edited by volvojack on Thu 11 Jul, 2019 9:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
warringtonrhino
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Mon 17 Jun, 2019 8:40 pm

Many years ago I did a cartoon for a friend which contained the name of the company he worked for and the name of his boss. The cartoon was so popular that several people requested copies with both the names changed to suit their place of work. I will post a copy of it, if someone can give me the name of a place they have worked and the first name of their boss.
warringtonrhino
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 21 Jun, 2019 11:53 am

I spent all morning wondering why lightning was so dangerous, then it struck me!

User avatar
Leodian
Posts: 6154
Joined: Thu 10 Jun, 2010 8:03 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby Leodian » Fri 21 Jun, 2019 2:33 pm

warringtonrhino wrote:
Fri 21 Jun, 2019 11:53 am
I spent all morning wondering why lightning was so dangerous, then it struck me!
It came to you in a flash! ;)
A rainbow is a ribbon that Nature puts on when she washes her hair.
volvojack
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 11 Jul, 2019 9:36 am

Where to get Sex for a hancful of chips........ Las Vegas and Liverpool
volvojack
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 26 Aug, 2019 2:28 pm

Paddys wife was heavily pregnant and the midwife suggested due to the hot weather and the fact that she was like a barrage balloon she should be taken into Hyde Terrace maternity home.Paddy went immediatlyto the Eldon pub opposite the University. he was so worried about her he consumed four pints of Guiness very quickly. The ambulance driver had suggested that he ring later to hear. if there was any news. Two more pinte of Guiness and when he phoned the Nurse told him his wife had had one baby boy and to phone again as it looked as though there could be more.Paddy bought the whole Pub a drink. Another hour later and by now he was quite drunk and when he phoned he misdialled and got the Headingley cricket ground where the Test Match was in progress. He asked "Whats the score" the nurse replied "There are four out already and the last one was out was a duck" Paddy collaped on the Tap room floor.
.
Last edited by volvojack on Wed 28 Aug, 2019 5:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
tilly
Posts: 1966
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Tue 27 Aug, 2019 8:44 pm

Two friends meet one is heavy with child her friend asks have you had a check up .She replied no it was a Bradford lad.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

volvojack
Posts: 1284
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 28 Aug, 2019 6:04 pm

Paddy went for an interview at the Bank and the manager asked him "If you had £65. in your Jacket pocket and £37. in yor trouser pocket what would you have" Paddy answered very confidentally "Some one elses suit"
.....................................................................................................................
Paddy took his girl friend for a ride down a country lane and she mentioned that she was a little bit thirsty, Paddy told her was a bottle of water in the glove cpmpartment. She had sip and said "Ough it tastes awful and when i look on the label it says "Only to be drunk if you are pregnant" Paddy says "Thats o.k. drink it on the way home"
User avatar
buffaloskinner
Posts: 1295
Joined: Sun 01 Apr, 2007 6:02 pm
Location: Nova Scotia

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby buffaloskinner » Wed 28 Aug, 2019 10:03 pm

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him,
So in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
The stomach was bloated,
The legs got wobbly,
The eyes got watery,
And the blood was toxic..
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

The Moral of the story?

Even though the others do all the work...
An Arse Hole is usually in charge
Is this the end of the story ...or the beginning of a legend?





Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests