Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
Posts: 1245
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 28 Apr, 2019 6:54 pm

Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?

· What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

· If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

· Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

· Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

· Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

· Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

· Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, and scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

· 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

· If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

· Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

· If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

· If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day". (It does fall on a Tuesday)
volvojack
Posts: 1245
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 08 May, 2019 2:54 pm

A fellow walks into his local and sees his mate stood at the bar looking deep in thought. After asking him what is the matter is the matter his pal replies "Its a problem I have in the office, as you know we specialise in importing foreign motor parts, I have narrowed it down to two applicants but I am only allowed to pick one ." His pal says So where is the problem? "Well one girl speaks fluent Japanese and Chinese but as no knowledge at all about the motor business whilst the other young lady as worked in possibly every motor importers and can really organise but does not speak any foreign language, So what do I do " His pal says I don't see you have such a problem..... Just hire the one with the biggest Tits
Sputnik_57
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri 31 May, 2019 5:13 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby Sputnik_57 » Fri 31 May, 2019 9:27 pm

Right now, I've been the butt of a joke that states that I should do an insurance quote on most of this investment property in Germany, over the course of my first free week-end since March.
But I'm not here to complain, here's a Soviet joke:

Brezhnev and Honecker are in a train from East Berlin going through Czechoslovakia.
At one point, Honecker asks :
"Comrade Brezhnev, where are we?"
Brezhnev puts his hand out through the window, pulls it back, and says "in East Germany".
A couple hours pass.
"Comrade Brezhnev, and now, where do you think we are"?
The Soviet chairman once again pulls the same trick, and says "in Czechoslovakia, comrade Honecker".
The travellers go to sleep, and meet in the next morning. Honecker, remembering the events of the last day, asks Brezhnev to locate them once again.
His interlocutor once again opens the window, lets his arm feel the wind for a while, and brings it back into the train, saying "and this time, we're in Romania".

Both chairmen arrive to the summit, and at the end of it, Honecker asks Brezhnev:
"So, comrade Brezhnev, how could you know where we were?"
"It's simple, comrade Honecker. In the GDR, my hand was kissed, in Czechoslovakia, they spat on it, and in Romania, they stole my watch".
volvojack
Posts: 1245
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 01 Jun, 2019 9:42 am

An American correspondent talking to his Russian counterpart and boasting that in the U.S.A.he can stand in front of the
White House put two fingers up and shout "To Hell with President Trump"
His Russian counterpart replies that under the new regime he also can stand in front of the Kremlin, stick up two fingers and say "To Hell with Pesident Trump"

User avatar
tilly
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sun 02 Jun, 2019 1:22 pm

A young man comes home at three in the morning when he opens the door is mother is standing there.She says Tony why you treata youra mamma anda pappa likea this .He says dont talk like that mam. she says your pappa he works seven day a weeka in the shopa i work three jobs to send you to collage why you treeta us lika this.He says dont talk like that mam.She says why you keepa saying donta talka likea thata he says you come from Leeds your not Italian.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1245
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 04 Jun, 2019 4:21 pm

warringtonrhino wrote:
Mon 29 May, 2017 12:04 pm
my contribution for this week...

It's about time you submitted some more of your Drawings / doodles etc.
Regards Volvo Jack
warringtonrhino
Posts: 363
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Tue 04 Jun, 2019 9:42 pm

My cartoons are usually done for a specific group of people who I know, architects, walking clubs, flying clubs etc. Some are done for publication, Private Eye etc, and some are for friends. The problem being that they usually refer to an event, consequently years later they are not as humorous. For example Prince Charles was very scathing on the new extension to a famous London landmark, he called it a carbuncle, this sketch reflects on what might have been said centuries earlier.
Attachments
Ata5.jpg
Ata5.jpg (1.33 MiB) Viewed 3024 times
warringtonrhino
Posts: 363
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 14 Jun, 2019 9:13 am

This one was done 30+ years ago, this week it could be back in fashion
Attachments
haystack.JPG
haystack.JPG (412.9 KiB) Viewed 2725 times

User avatar
tilly
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 14 Jun, 2019 8:02 pm

Hi warringtonrhino I think jokes dont have a sell by date keep them coming.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
warringtonrhino
Posts: 363
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Sat 15 Jun, 2019 9:16 am

In the office we had a Volvo driver, one day whilst driving behind him, I saw him nearly hit a woman on a zebra crossing . In the office I asked if he saw the lady on the zebra crossing outside the office car park, his reply 'what zebra crossing' This cartoon took the situation to the next step.
Attachments
kirkstall road.JPG
kirkstall road.JPG (1.71 MiB) Viewed 2675 times





Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests