Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
PostsCOLON 721
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 07 Oct, 2017 9:37 am

Paddy was telling Murphy that he was going down to the dogs rscue centre and thinking of choosing a Labrador because of their gentle nature. Murphy said "I wouldn't do that, have you seen how many of their owners go blind."
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This shows that the Police do still care,
Last week a mans body was recovered from the river Aire, as yet they have nor contacted his next of kin. he is describeds as male, in his 30s wearing bright red lipstick,open crotch knickers, a corset, suspenders and a nipple bra. a cucumber in his rectum and wearing a "Vote for Jeremy Corbyn" T. Shirt. Senior Officers have decided to remove the T.Shirt to save the family acute embarasment when they come to identify the body.
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Paddy went into the Pet Shop and said i would like to buy a Goldfish, the man said "How about an Aquarium" Paddy replied I don't really care what star sign it is
volvojack
PostsCOLON 721
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 09 Oct, 2017 3:03 pm

I am going to watch "Mission Impossible this evening, Not the Film, the wife has come home with a pair of size 12 Jeans and is going to try them on.
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Double Glazing is a Scottish invention, McTavish patented it so the children would not hear the Ice cream Van chimes. .................. I met this girl on New Years Eve. and after a few drinks brought her back to my Flat. as we were going into the bedroom a voice came from within "Hope it's not that Fat Slapper you brought home last week" quite shocked she said Who was that ?. I told her "Take no notice, it's just my Memory Foam Mattress."
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tilly
PostsCOLON 1658
JoinedCOLON Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 09 Oct, 2017 7:32 pm

A woman goes to see the doctor he checks her over and says you have got acute angina she says thank you very much doctor. A teacher is giving a lesson on aviation history He asks the class who was Allcock and Brown a boy at the back of the classroom says Sammy Davis Junior.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
PostsCOLON 721
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 12 Oct, 2017 12:33 pm

Looking forward to the Halloween party in our Local pub at the end of the month. Great night last year, went home £20 better off as the Wife easily took first prize in the the best Halloween Costume contest. really lucky as she had only called in to give me a lift home on her way from playing Bingo..
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Saw a car advertised that seemed a deal so rang the number and the man said "Come round and have a look" When i got there he said I'll just move my car out of the way as it's in the garage, i'ts the wife's car.
I had a look and asked Mmm, How many Clutches as it Had ?
He replied "Clutches ? None, It's under 3 years old"
He then said "You can see how very clean it is "
I asked again, But how many Clutches as it has ?.
He seemed quite exasperated "None, Just look at the low mileage it has done and only my Wife has ever driven it from New "
I folded my arms and asked again. Just how many Clutches has it had?
He blushed and hung his head "Seven"
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tilly
PostsCOLON 1658
JoinedCOLON Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Thu 12 Oct, 2017 6:54 pm

A man and his wife go for a ride to the dales they finish up in the middle of nowhere lost, they see a local leaning over a gate.Can you
tell me how to get to Grassington asks the driver.the local says tha goes darnt rood and tha turns left noo he says tha turns reet noo tha dosent tha goes tother way and tha turns left noo if i think abart it tha cant get to Grassington from here.Ps thas only me and thee posting at moment. :lol: :lol: :lol:
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
warringtonrhino
PostsCOLON 278
JoinedCOLON Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 13 Oct, 2017 10:02 am

I had a good day on the stock exchange last week. I swapped 10 OXO cubes for a jar of Bovril.
warringtonrhino
PostsCOLON 278
JoinedCOLON Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 13 Oct, 2017 4:42 pm

Excuse me, do you have any OXO cubes ? No sir we are out of stock.
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tilly
PostsCOLON 1658
JoinedCOLON Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 13 Oct, 2017 7:13 pm

Many thanks for your input warringtonrhino i was thinking there was only me and Jack had a sense of humor on site.There are enough jokes on here to give someone a chance of making a good living out of them. Ha.Ha.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

warringtonrhino
PostsCOLON 278
JoinedCOLON Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Fri 13 Oct, 2017 10:39 pm

Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man, Communism is the reverse.
warringtonrhino
PostsCOLON 278
JoinedCOLON Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Sat 14 Oct, 2017 8:52 am

when women reach a certain age, they start collecting cats, it's called the many paws.

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