Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 04 Jul, 2017 9:28 am

A Burly Irish P.C. is sent to Millgarth Plice Station and mainly because of his size is given the job of patrolling Leeds Market and dealing with drunks in and outside the Market Tavern (Madhouse) This was in the days when Tetley's delivered their Beer around the Town on horse drawn carts. One day Millgarth get a call to say that one of Tetley's Dray Horses has collapsed and could they send someone to deal with the onlookers / incident etc. As P.C. Paddy is the only one available he is told to make his way to City Square as the dead animal is quite nearby. Two hours later he arrives and someone points the Dray horse out to him. by this time the brewery have removed both the other Horse and Cart and made arrangements for the dead horse to be removed.
Paddy looks at the animal then takes out his notebook and pencil, licks the pencil and writes Found one dead 'oss in ......... Then not knowig where he is he asks a passerby "What Road is this ?" the man replies Lower Basinghall Street. So after having quite a few attempts to write this address without success. he waits until it's quiet, taks off his uniform jacket and the drags the Giant beast by the tail 100 yards.
Takes out his notebook, licks his pencil and writes "Found one dead 'oss in Boar Lane"
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Tue 04 Jul, 2017 8:05 pm

The building foreman was making his way to the top floor of a multi story block of flats were a bricklayer and paddy his laborer were working.He looks out of the sixth floor window to see paddy falling to the ground below he rushes to the top floor and asks the bricklayer what happened,he says i dont know.I only told him my father used to fly in wellingtons in the last war.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
warringtonrhino
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Wed 05 Jul, 2017 3:21 pm

PC World.JPG
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buffaloskinner
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby buffaloskinner » Wed 05 Jul, 2017 4:06 pm

:arrow:
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Is this the end of the story ...
or the beginning of a legend?

volvojack
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JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 11 Jul, 2017 9:38 am

Its' early December and a letter arrives at the Head Post addressed to "Father Christmas" as the lads don't know what to do they open it and read the spidery handwriting. Dear Santa i wonder if you can help me, My name is Doris, an 87 year old Widow and last week down in Leeds Market i lost my purse with my £50. savings inside. I had wanted to buy my only Grandson a present but now do not know which way to turn, Please help me Santa as i am desperate. The lads show it to each other and decide to have a whip round. They manage to raise £46 and put this in an envelope marked "To Doris, from Sanat Claus, Greenland.
The Staff awaited any sign of a reply and sure enough early in the New Year a letter arrived addressed to Father Christmas, Greenland. They eagerly opened it and read. "Dear, Dear Santa thankyou so very much for your kind Gift , i was able to buy the present i needed for my little boy" Just one thing i would mention There was only £46 arrived so i bet it was those thieving Bast..ds at the Post Office that had the rest.......... Doris.
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Wed 12 Jul, 2017 7:16 pm

A man who has never worked since he left school and has been {on the sick} goes to see the doctor the doctor asks what he can do for him.The man says can you give me something to make me sweat so he gives him a throwing of note.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 17 Jul, 2017 9:11 am

One of the nicest feelings it is possible to have is to wake up in bed on a morning with someones arms wrapped lovingly around you....


Unless of course you are in Prison.
volvojack
PostsCOLON 726
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 23 Jul, 2017 1:41 pm

A smartly dressed old man enters a Hatton Garden Jewellers with a lovely, curvy young Blonde on his arm. He asks to see see diamond rings "Something Special" so the assistant gets the Manager who brings out a tray of Diamond rings. when the Old man asks the price he is told these are all in the region of £10,000. He then says "Really, really Special" the Manager then emerges with an extremly large blue Diamond "This belonged once to an Indian Rajah and costs £21,000". Seeing the young Lady quivering with excitement just looking at it the Old man says "We'll take it". Beaming the Manager says "As it it rather a large amount how do you intend to pay for it Sir" ?
The Old chap replies " I shall write youout a cheque and as it now Friday afternoon please present it to the Bank on Monday morning and when it has cleared phone me and i shall collect the ring".
The Manager says fine and the couple leave with the young lady clinging on tightly.
Monday mid morning and the Old mans telephone rings, it is the Manager from the Jewellers, he says angrily " I have just had the Bank ring me and they say there is not a penny in your account to clear this cheque"
The Old fellow replies "Never mind that, let me tell you about my Weekend"


( I realise i am jumping the gun a bit but the Site seems to have gone a bit quiet again)
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 24 Jul, 2017 4:02 pm

Paddy buys a terrace house and pays to have i renovated when it is finished he asks his friend to come around to see it.His friend says you have a very high ceiling in the lounge. Paddy says i have had two rooms knocked into one.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
dogduke
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby dogduke » Mon 24 Jul, 2017 5:14 pm

The flasher was thinking about giving up flashing.
.but he decided to stick it out for another
year !
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.



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