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Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Sat 15 Jun, 2019 12:27 pm
by Leodian
I'm very impressed warringtonrhino with the excellent quality of your artwork. I've never been any good at all at anything artistic. I still recall an art teacher in a school report stating of me "tries very hard at what is, for him, a difficult subject".

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Mon 17 Jun, 2019 1:32 pm
by volvojack
Murphy sees Paddy in the pub and asks him "How are you getting on with your new 50 inch H.I.
F.I.Television" Paddy replies It'samazing, i only have to turn the knob that is for sound only and it is like listening to the radio,
......................................................................................................
Mrs.Dunne sees Paddy walking down the street of Ballypuddle village and runs after him"Paddy
i hear that you are leaving today for London and i wonder if you could do me a big favour,my lad has
been over there 6 months and all i have had is a postcard from him marked London w.c.1.
Couls you please get him to write to me as i am very worried." Paddy says
will do his best but he has heard tha London is a big place.
He steps off te boat train and is going to find his lodgings when he see a sign
W.C he goes down the steps and sees a a row aof numbered doors. Walking up
to number one he knocks on it and sayys"Are you done?" A voice replises"As a ,matter of fact i am
Paddy says "Well please write to your Mother,"

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Mon 17 Jun, 2019 8:40 pm
by warringtonrhino
Many years ago I did a cartoon for a friend which contained the name of the company he worked for and the name of his boss. The cartoon was so popular that several people requested copies with both the names changed to suit their place of work. I will post a copy of it, if someone can give me the name of a place they have worked and the first name of their boss.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Fri 21 Jun, 2019 11:53 am
by warringtonrhino
I spent all morning wondering why lightning was so dangerous, then it struck me!

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Fri 21 Jun, 2019 2:33 pm
by Leodian
warringtonrhino wrote:
Fri 21 Jun, 2019 11:53 am
I spent all morning wondering why lightning was so dangerous, then it struck me!
It came to you in a flash! ;)

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Thu 11 Jul, 2019 9:36 am
by volvojack
Where to get Sex for a hancful of chips........ Las Vegas and Liverpool

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Mon 26 Aug, 2019 2:28 pm
by volvojack
Paddys wife was heavily pregnant and the midwife suggested due to the hot weather and the fact that she was like a barrage balloon she should be taken into Hyde Terrace maternity home.Paddy went immediatlyto the Eldon pub opposite the University. he was so worried about her he consumed four pints of Guiness very quickly. The ambulance driver had suggested that he ring later to hear. if there was any news. Two more pinte of Guiness and when he phoned the Nurse told him his wife had had one baby boy and to phone again as it looked as though there could be more.Paddy bought the whole Pub a drink. Another hour later and by now he was quite drunk and when he phoned he misdialled and got the Headingley cricket ground where the Test Match was in progress. He asked "Whats the score" the nurse replied "There are four out already and the last one was out was a duck" Paddy collaped on the Tap room floor.
.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Tue 27 Aug, 2019 8:44 pm
by tilly
Two friends meet one is heavy with child her friend asks have you had a check up .She replied no it was a Bradford lad.

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Wed 28 Aug, 2019 6:04 pm
by volvojack
Paddy went for an interview at the Bank and the manager asked him "If you had £65. in your Jacket pocket and £37. in yor trouser pocket what would you have" Paddy answered very confidentally "Some one elses suit"
.....................................................................................................................
Paddy took his girl friend for a ride down a country lane and she mentioned that she was a little bit thirsty, Paddy told her was a bottle of water in the glove cpmpartment. She had sip and said "Ough it tastes awful and when i look on the label it says "Only to be drunk if you are pregnant" Paddy says "Thats o.k. drink it on the way home"

Re: Joke of the Week

Posted: Wed 28 Aug, 2019 10:03 pm
by buffaloskinner
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him,
So in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
The stomach was bloated,
The legs got wobbly,
The eyes got watery,
And the blood was toxic..
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

The Moral of the story?

Even though the others do all the work...
An Arse Hole is usually in charge