Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
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tilly
Posts: 1916
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Wed 02 Jan, 2019 9:48 pm

When at Silverdale i got friends with another lad, we did a runner police had to take us back.I had never been away from the streets it was like Borstal to me. Mam thought she was getting me away from Hunslet bless her.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 02 Jan, 2019 11:02 pm

News that Japanese Banks are suffering a recession ......The Origami Bank has folded. The Bonzai Bank is to cut some Branches. The Sumo Bank has gone belly up. The Kamikaze Bank has taken a dive, The Sushi Bank has had a Raw Deal,The Karaoke Bank has gone for a Song . The Ninja Bank has taken a hit. The Karate Bank has given 500 staff the Chop. Ah So......
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 03 Jan, 2019 6:17 pm

Visiting the Wife in Hospital when suddenly the machine started beeping, i called for help but no one came, i panicked and screamed, a Surgeon ran in and began pressing buttons and using his hands. then the machine made a long sound, the Surgeon removed his green cap and said "I am sorry to tell you that your Kit Kat is stuck halfway and you have lost your money."
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Why it nobody likes me, I fed a Flock of Geese all last Winter and when the Spring came they flew away, not only that they gave me the "V." sign
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 03 Jan, 2019 6:45 pm

Sammy is a young good looking Jewish lad who works at the Casino on Harrogate Road. He decides to visit his Uncle Benny. He says" Uncle in the past if i have had any problems you have always given me good advice" His Uncle replies So go ahead my boy. Sammy says " I have a young girl of 24 who i am very much in love with but is penniless, and also i have this extremely rich widow who keeps giving me gifts, Rolex watches and expensive clothes. So Uncle my problem is who should i marry. Uncle Benny strokes his beard and after a while says "Sammy my boy you should only marry the one you truly love" Sammy shakes his Uncles hand and says Thank you very much i shall to this very day and propose to the young Lady" Benny says "Good Luck my boy Oh and your way out leave me the Widows name and address"

volvojack
Posts: 1208
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Fri 04 Jan, 2019 2:56 pm

David and Rachel have a lavish Jewish Wedding and then fly off to Hawaii for their Honeymoon. 3 weeks later Rachel rings her Mother and says Momma it has all been a mistake i want to come home, i cant live with this Beast a moment longer. Her Mother says What is the problem baby, does he beat you or something like that ??. Rachel begins to cry and says No Momma at first he was loving and attentive and it has only been when we have come home that he has changed. Her Mother says Look Rachel my darling all marriages have their ups and down but you just have to work together. Rachel says Yes Momma but it is all the foul and dirty language he has began to use. What does he say my Angel ? Oh Momma i can't possibly repeat them. Come on Rachel you are my one and only Daughter you can tell me anything....... Tearfully Rachel stutters down the phone Words like "ICook. Ironing, Washing up, Make beds, Cleaning and othe words like that" Her Mother says Pack your Bags i will pick you up in 20 minutes
Last edited by volvojack on Sun 06 Jan, 2019 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
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tilly
Posts: 1916
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 05 Jan, 2019 3:18 pm

Murphy decides to rob a bank he thinks to himself the minuet i open my mouth they will know that im Irish.He decides to take English lessons. After a few months he is word perfect its now or never he thinks, so he goes to the bank he walks in and says in impeccable English would every one lay on the floor.He says to the tellers please hand over the money and no one will get hurt, one of the tellers says you are Irish how do you know that says Murphy.She says you have cut the wrong end off your shot gun.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
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tilly
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Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 05 Jan, 2019 3:28 pm

mhoulden Has just re opened re registration for new users, he say please no spam but i am sure he would fritter them out.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1208
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 05 Jan, 2019 6:11 pm

Some years ago The wife and I with daughter Jackie went and stayed in Puerto Del Carmen and had lovely couple of weeks there. We were most impressed by the quality of the Fish in the Restaurants.
Nice as it was we did not go again as we went some years later to live on the Main Land.

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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 05 Jan, 2019 11:17 pm

Hi Jack just looked at to views for this blog over eight thousand keep them coming folks.I was going to be a comedian at one time but when i walked on the stage they started laughing at me and it put me off.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
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Leodian
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby Leodian » Sun 06 Jan, 2019 12:55 am

tilly wrote:Hi Jack just looked at to views for this blog over eight thousand keep them coming folks.I was going to be a comedian at one time but when i walked on the stage they started laughing at me and it put me off.
Hi Tilly :).

It's actually over eighty thousand (80629 as I post). That's a lot of :lol:.
A rainbow is a ribbon that Nature puts on when she washes her hair.





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