Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
warringtonrhino
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Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Sun 30 Dec, 2018 8:06 pm

Showing an American Tourist around the U.K.The Guide asked How about i show you where Dick Turpin lived ? The Yanks said "Sure Would" The Guide replied "No now you are thinking of Robin Hood"[/quote]

Dick Turpin came from York, he was a highwayman, and consequently had a bad reputation. Whilst researching history I came across some interesting details. He accumulated a lot of wealth due to his illegal activities in the countryside around York, but before his death he paid for the first maternity hospital to be built anywhere in England. No longer did the ladies of York have to stand and deliver. :lol:
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tilly
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Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 31 Dec, 2018 1:45 pm

What about the time Dick Turpin held up Paddy money or your life he said .Paddy say take my life im saving up.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 31 Dec, 2018 5:52 pm

The Amish Religion are a group of people that live a life completely cut off from civilization but one day a Catholic Church invite a family to stay for a weekend in a New York Hotel.the Father and are waiting in the foyer and the son asks his Dad what are those pair of shiny steel doors. Father says he has no idea but just as he says that a fat old Lady in a wheel chair propels herself to the doors which open wide. The old lady wheels herself in and after the doors close the clock above them go up to number 23.They watch in amazement never having seen an Elevator before After a minute or so the clock begins to light up again and the numbers in reverse order. Finally these steel walls open and out steps this this gorgeous 24 year old blond. young lady. The Father without taking his eyes off the young women says quietly to his son "Quick go get your Mother "
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 31 Dec, 2018 7:34 pm

What do you call Paddy resident at Oxford University ??????..........The Caretaker.

Mick went into B. and Q. and told the salesman "I have got a new job as a Woodsman and i need a saw that can cut down at least 4 to 6 trees a day. The salesman told him this Bosch Chainsaw is top of the range and would fill any requirements. A few days later Mick was back and told the salesman "This saw is useless, i could only cut down one tree and that took me all day" The salesman examined the saw and started the motor up. Mick covered his ears and said "Whats that Noise" ??????

A Happy New Year To All My Irish Friends " Slainte Agus Deagh Shlaintle"

volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 31 Dec, 2018 7:41 pm

A Happy and Prosperous New Year To Tilly and All The Gang........
iansmithofotley
Posts: 436
Joined: Fri 28 Dec, 2007 4:10 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby iansmithofotley » Mon 31 Dec, 2018 8:30 pm

Hi Jack,

Happy New Year to you, and thank you for all your contributions, especially your 'jokes'.

Best wishes to everyone else too, and thank you for your interesting posts and the great photographs throughout 2018, especially by Leodian.

Ian
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tilly
Posts: 1950
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 31 Dec, 2018 11:02 pm

A Happy New Year To You Jack Just Got Back From Lanzorote Stayed Over Christmas.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 02 Jan, 2019 12:46 pm

"tilly"]A Happy New Year To You Jack Just Got Back From Lanzorote Stayed Over Christmas

Ooh you name dropper Lanzarote eh. Most Lads i knew from Hunslet years ago could not even spell such a word.Maybe Butlins at the most.

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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Wed 02 Jan, 2019 4:20 pm

Hi Jack The first time i saw the sea was when i was seven that was at Silverdale Leeds School Childrens Holiday Camp.First time abroad i was thirty nine but i have made up for it since .Back to the jokes.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 02 Jan, 2019 8:26 pm

My Sister Mary told me that when she went to Silverdale all the girls had to wear the same top and some Adult fellow commented on this and she was embarrassed
Only place i got to. was Langbar Camp out in the wilds near Ilkley, This consisted of wooden Barracks which i think had been used by the Army at some time and was designed to toughen us up if the Germans won the war. It was the middle of summer and we gathered outside the Civic Hall and then taken by Bus to this awful place. It was 5/- and i still can't believe she sent me there (Twice) The Dining room (joke) was a Barrack room without windows and as the majority of our meals were Porridge or bread and jam the Flies and Wasps were waiting at daylight and came from far and wide. Next torture was following the Leader who was a man with shorts, thick socks and hiking boots, We had what we stood up in. The Horror was that we had to climb up the rocks to Wingate Nick and carry a rock the last 100 yards or so.
I have actually posted this before but that memory has stayed with me.
We all got a Certificate "The League of Mountain Men" went into
the dustbin both times.





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