Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
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tilly
Posts: 1909
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 15 Dec, 2018 5:01 pm

So sorry to hear this Jack but like me you have a good outlook on life, you cant keep a good man down.I know if it was not for my outlook on life i would not be writing this now so keep your powder dry all the best Sid.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
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Leodian
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby Leodian » Sat 15 Dec, 2018 8:45 pm

Keep up your smiling Jack. Remember that God told Moses to keep taking the tablets. :).
A rainbow is a ribbon that Nature puts on when she washes her hair.
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tilly
Posts: 1909
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sun 16 Dec, 2018 4:45 pm

Moses must have been fit he was in a rush.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 19 Dec, 2018 5:44 pm

So i went into this Record shop and asked "What have you got by the Doors" he said A Fire Blanket and a Bucket of Sand.
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I went into a Record Shop and asked "What music could you recommend for a Kids party". he said "Small Faces " I replied "Of course they have, they are just Kids"...
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So i said to this man in the Studio car park "Did you know that Marie Osmond is about to make the Worlds Worst Ever Film ?" He replied Warner Brothers ? I said I already have"

volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 19 Dec, 2018 9:49 pm

Apparently when the Osmonds get an encore
after a Concert in Scotland the Audience shout Mormon ! Mormon !

I went to an Osmonds Concert and the bloke sat next to me Shouted "Crazy Horses Crazy Horses" I said sit down I like them
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 22 Dec, 2018 4:11 pm

I'll tell you who just rubbish ............Dustbin Hoffman.

Cliff Richard is quoted as saying "If it had not been for Elvis Presley there would have been no Cliff Richard"
Come on know Cliff surely you can't blame Elvis for that"

I met this Homeless scruffy man and he whispered i am a Secret Agent , my name is Bond, Vagabond.
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volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 24 Dec, 2018 4:40 pm

"Philip Philip, great news " said the Queen "I have been approached to make a Film about the life of Helen Mirren and i been asked to play the starring role"
warringtonrhino
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Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Mon 24 Dec, 2018 10:36 pm

True story - not really a joke!
I was sat in a local car park waiting for Julie. There were very few available spaces, but a woman in a BMW found herself the perfect one. It was nearly double the width of her car and it had shrubbery either side, not parked cars. She moved in quickly to claim it, and was getting something out of the car boot, when a motorist got out of his car and approached her. I heard her shout 'I found it first and I am not moving' . Another motorist appeared and explained that she was not in a parking bay, she was in fact parked in the entrance road to a small section of the car park, and was blocking them all in.
1

volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 27 Dec, 2018 3:05 pm

As News Year Approaches many Ladies will wish to know if they are celebrating with a genuine Scot.One way to find out is to stick your hand up his Kilt and there is a good handful then he is a McDonald.....
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Showing an American Tourist around the U.K.The Guide asked How about i show you where Dick Turpin lived ? The Yanks said "Sure Would" The Guide replied "No now you are thinking of Robin Hood"
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 30 Dec, 2018 6:08 pm

An old lady was sipping a glass of wine whilst sat on the Patio with her husband and says "I love you so much i don't think i could have ever lived all these years without you " Her husband says Are you sure that's sure that not just the wine talking ? She replies "I am talking to the wine"

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