Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Mon 27 Aug, 2018 5:27 pm

Taking a Viagra Tablet every day won't get you a James Bond part but it will enable you to Roger More.

Paddy said to Molly "I must have put on weight overnight as i can't button my shirt up this morning" She replied You are putting it inside out.
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tilly
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Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 27 Aug, 2018 8:06 pm

I took a Viagra tablet the other week it stuck in my throat i had a stiff neck for three days.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 02 Sep, 2018 7:55 pm

Jesus arrives in Gallilee quite exausted from looking for way to feed 5000 pilgrims. He finds them all tucking into Breaded Scampi and Battered Cod .Jesus says to Peter All i could get was 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Peter says "Well er er its like this Lord, Judas Iscariot just seems to have come for a Little Windfall"
That day Judas is Crucified and in the evening his followers are allowed to take him down from the Cross . A short time later Jesus calls down "The Bottom One First you dosy buggers"
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tilly
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Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 03 Sep, 2018 8:47 pm

Jesus is with David at Bridlington David says whats that out at sea.Jesus says thats an oil rig David says i have never seen one before Jesus says lets go out to see it so they start walking out a few steps and the water is up to Davids knees but just up to the feet of Jesus.A few more feet and its up to Davids neck but still only around the feet of Jesus i cant go any further says David, get on this pipeline with me says Jesus.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

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buffaloskinner
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Joined: Sun 01 Apr, 2007 6:02 pm
Location: Nova Scotia

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby buffaloskinner » Fri 21 Sep, 2018 8:55 pm

Rip off

:arrow:
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Is this the end of the story ...
or the beginning of a legend?
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buffaloskinner
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Location: Nova Scotia

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby buffaloskinner » Fri 21 Sep, 2018 8:56 pm

Aghhhhhh

:arrow:
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tilly
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Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sat 22 Sep, 2018 12:47 pm

The salvation army rang my bell the other day.I said what exactly do you do, he said we save fallen women. I said can you save me one.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1121
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 23 Sep, 2018 2:40 pm

Paddy and his newly wedded bride came to England on their Honeymoon and during a trip down Blackpool's "Golden Mile" the decided to try the Tunnel Of Love. They emerged a short time later soaked to the skin. The man who issues the tickets said What happened did the boat sink"?
Paddy replied " Boat, what Boat".

volvojack
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Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 23 Sep, 2018 2:54 pm

It's early morning in Dublin and a 13 year old old boy finds his Mother dead in her bed. He runs out into the Street shouting "It's the Mammy, she is upstairs in bed dead " a neighbour passing by asks Shall i run and fetch the Parish Priest ? The boy answers "How can you possibly think about me and sex at this time"

A man goes to the doctors and when the receptionist asks him whats's wrong he says" I keep seeing large coloured spots before my eyes" She then asks Have you seen a Doctor ? He answers "No just large coloured spots"
volvojack
Posts: 1121
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 25 Sep, 2018 7:43 pm

They say that if you come from Liverpool you are either a singer or a comedian.......that John Bishop must be a very good singer.
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A Gas explosion in Dublin has completely demolished the !5 story Plaza Hotel. Firefighters and Rescue workers have toiled for over a week and even brought in special trained Dogs to go over the rubble. Just as they were about to abandon the search they heard a faint cry for Help. They shouted where are you ? Paddy replied "I'm in room 306"

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