Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
warringtonrhino
PostsCOLON 288
JoinedCOLON Sat 18 Feb, 2012 2:31 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby warringtonrhino » Tue 24 Oct, 2017 4:21 pm

If your dog is shouting to be let in the front door and your wife is shouting to be let in the back door, who do you let in first?
The dog, because he will shut up once you have let him in.
A lorry driver misjudges a bridge and gets wedged underneath it. Traffic builds up and eventually a police car arrives.
Are you stuck? asks the young PC, No sir, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol.
dogduke
PostsCOLON 1257
JoinedCOLON Thu 03 Jan, 2008 6:47 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby dogduke » Tue 24 Oct, 2017 8:43 pm

I only married the wife because people
said her father had a large estate.

He had,it was a Ford Granada !
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.


volvojack
PostsCOLON 770
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 25 Oct, 2017 7:16 am

[quote="dogduke"]I only married the wife because people
said her father had a large estate.

He had,it was a Ford Granada


Good clever gag dogduke, more please.
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tilly
PostsCOLON 1687
JoinedCOLON Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Wed 25 Oct, 2017 1:31 pm

My wife said she wanted an animal skin coat for her birthday,so i bought her a donkey jacket.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

volvojack
PostsCOLON 770
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 29 Oct, 2017 2:51 pm

I went to the Grand National meeting at Aintree and a fellow sidled up to me and said "I can let you have the winner of the next race for only a Tenner" I told him Thank you but we only have a small garden plus the Missus and I are out at work most days.
.............................................
Those Scousers are really thick, another one came up to me in the Beer tent and said "Have a look at this original signed photo of the Beatles, only £5." Well i know that anything by the Fab Four is worth a bomb on E.Bay. As he only had 100 left i bought the lot. A big bonus is that the signatures of Ringo Harrison, John Mc Cartney,Paul Lennon and George Starr are worth a fortune by themselves.
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tilly
PostsCOLON 1687
JoinedCOLON Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Sun 29 Oct, 2017 8:40 pm

A man goes to the doctors before he has a chance to sit down the the doctor says you have a pain in your right shoulder that goes across to your left shoulder.Then it goes down your spine over to your right hip and down your leg to your foot.Thats right says the man the doctor says i have got that i wonder what it is.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
PostsCOLON 770
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Tue 31 Oct, 2017 11:57 am

My Mother used to say " Be careful as you go in life as things have a habit of biting you in the Arse when you least expect it " She was right......This morning in A.S.D.A. at the checkout i pushed in front of Warwick Davies the Dwarf T.V. actor (Little Bar..d )
....................................................................................................................................
I was having a really great workout this morning, hard at it, suddenly Bang, there was a blowout, I cursed but then, showered, dressed and trudged down to the local Bike shop. "Repair this and i will call back in tomorrow. He answered " I mend Cycle inner tubes not Inflatable Dolls ". ... Honestly some People.
dogduke
PostsCOLON 1257
JoinedCOLON Thu 03 Jan, 2008 6:47 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby dogduke » Tue 31 Oct, 2017 9:09 pm

Bricklayer in Brisbane slips and falls to his death from four floors up.
Police ambulance etc attended.
Site manager is in a quandary,who is going to tell his family.
A Brickie from Sydney steps toward,I am a sensitive caring guy,give me the address and I will sort it.
Several hours pass by before the guy returns with a case of Fosters lager.
Anxious to know how the guy had gone on the site manager asked him how he went on.
He said,I knocked at the door and said to the lady - you must be the widow.
She said I am not a widow,so I said,
I bet you a case if Fosters you are.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.



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tilly
PostsCOLON 1687
JoinedCOLON Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Wed 01 Nov, 2017 8:52 pm

Keep them coming dogduke.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
PostsCOLON 770
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 01 Nov, 2017 9:08 pm

tilly"]Keep them coming dogduke.
Could not agree more tilly, it is more the merrier.

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