Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
User avatar
tilly
Posts: 1821
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Mon 07 May, 2018 9:56 pm

A woman sues a surgeon the judge asks what is your complaint she says since his operation my husband has not shown any interest in me.We used to make love every night now he will not even kiss me,The judge say to the surgeon what have you got to say the surgeon says we only did a cataract operation.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.
volvojack
Posts: 1055
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 10 May, 2018 1:46 pm

Had a reply from "Screw Fix Direct" Thanking me for my Interest shown but they are not a Dating Agency.
.....................................................................................................
The Wife was in one of her Funny Moods. I walked into the Kitchen and said "Is That Coffee I smell" She replied Yes and You Do. ...... Got my own back when she rang from the Supermarket and asked if there was anything we needed urgently?? I asked "Was she walking or in the Car" she replied Walking..... I told her we needed a 56Lb Bag of Potatoes and a Large Bag of Cat Litter.
.........................................................
Whilst we all hate Manchester United and even more so the "Scum" that are their Fans. Most of us would wish to see their ex. Manager Sir Alex Ferguson make a good recovery from his recent stroke.
His Family have requested that he be afforded some Privacy for a while.
One of his Visitors that was allowed in to see him for an hour was Wayne Rooney and it seemed that he just managed to put some words together and make a sensible sentence. Sir Alex was quoted as saying "Just don't try and do too much at once Wayne Laddie"
iansmithofotley
Posts: 385
Joined: Fri 28 Dec, 2007 4:10 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby iansmithofotley » Fri 11 May, 2018 9:24 pm

volvojack
Posts: 1055
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 12 May, 2018 9:45 am

Good Morning Ian.
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Never knew about this even though it is based a few miles away in Cheltenham.

volvojack
Posts: 1055
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sun 13 May, 2018 9:41 am

Two young Irish Nuns are sent to the U.S.A. and after arriving in New York one says to the other" Did you know that they eat Dogs over here ,and it is considered quite normal." The other Nun sas Well i guess we shall have to do the same. As they walk down the New York Street they hear a Vendor calling out " Hot Dogs, Get your lovely fresh Hot Dogs Here" Both being hungry the decide to try one each. The Hot Dog Seller wraps them one each in Foil and they go and sit in the Park .The older Nun begins to unwrap hers and then blushingly says to the other, in her soft Irish Brogue "Oh sister, what part did you get ?"
dogduke
Posts: 1295
Joined: Thu 03 Jan, 2008 6:47 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby dogduke » Wed 23 May, 2018 5:44 pm

I miss my old Lada Riva.

Special model,16 valves.

8 in the engine and 8 in the radio
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.


volvojack
Posts: 1055
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Fri 25 May, 2018 5:19 pm

Parked in tha Sanisbury's Carpark and just left enough window open so that our little puppy on the back seat would be O.K. I stood nearby and said "Stay, Stay". A young Blonde stood watching asked "Is your lovely new car an automatic" When replied that is was she said "Then why don't you put in PARK"
...........................................................................................
What do you call an Irishman at Oxford University ??...... The Caretaker.
User avatar
tilly
Posts: 1821
Joined: Mon 11 Jan, 2010 2:32 pm

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby tilly » Fri 25 May, 2018 9:08 pm

A blond is on a plane when over the radio the pilot says one engine has broken down.Dont worry he says we can still fly with one engine .The blond says i hope the other does not break down we will be up here all night.
No matter were i end my days im an Hunslet lad with Hunslet ways.

volvojack
Posts: 1055
Joined: Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Thu 31 May, 2018 5:14 pm

The inventor of the first bullet proof motor vehicle in India has died...... R.I.P. Ahmed Carr.

The Mayor of Ballymuckin always said that when he died he would like a Statue of himself in the Town. Well today he got his wish after he was hit by a Cement Truck,

I rushed into our local D.I.Y. Shop and asked " Could i buy a couple of Mousetraps Please and could you be quick as i have a Train to catch" The assistant says Certainly Sir, but i don't think we have them quite that big.
dogduke
Posts: 1295
Joined: Thu 03 Jan, 2008 6:47 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby dogduke » Fri 01 Jun, 2018 5:31 pm

As a teenager at family weddings the older ones used to give me a poke and say.You are next.

I do the same to them now at funerals !

.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.



Return to





Who is online

Users browsing this forum: 7 and 0 guests