Joke of the Week

Off-topic discussions, musings and chat
volvojack
PostsCOLON 694
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Wed 13 Sep, 2017 1:18 pm

Paddy was attending a Science nd Nature Seminar and was asked "If you were in a Vacuum and someone called your name would you be able to hear it ?" He thought for a while and then replied That could depend on whether it was switched on or not.
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Scientists in Dublin decided to an experiment with a well trained dog. First of all theyy amputated a leg and let the dog walk, then they cut of another leg and it still managed to walk, they the amputated a third leg and asked it to walk, Of course it could not. They deduced from this that by amputating a third leg makes a dog go deaf.
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Sunday Morning in Ballypuddled and in the village Church Father Up was reading out his sermon. at one point he said "And Jesus Christ died on the Cross for us" Paddy stood up and shouted furiously Well Thank you very very much, I was half way reading through that book.
volvojack
PostsCOLON 694
JoinedCOLON Tue 26 Jan, 2016 11:57 am

Re: Joke of the Week

Postby volvojack » Sat 16 Sep, 2017 11:08 am

A Heartwarming Story " Never Give Up On Your Dreams"
I was born in Brazil in 1959, My Father who was Scottish left Mum and me when i was three. when i was 18 i came second in the Miss Brazil Beauty Contest, then i decided to emigrate to London where my life took a downward spiral. Sadly i fell into a life of drugs and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. whilst in Prison for some minor offences my cellmate and i did quite some crude tattoos with a 2 inch nail to our arms and legs. Then after a bad traffic accident i lost a leg and had to have some facial reconstruction. After an unprovoked acid attack on a London Street i lost most of my teeth. the stress of all this caused me to lose some hair and brought about facial warts. But i never stopped believing and finally my Dreams were realised. ...... Last Week.........
I was Crowned Miss Scotland 2005

Seem to be already reaping the rewards for my perseverance.........I have been Invited to a social function in a place called the "Tam O' Shanter, an up market Hostelry in Leeds West Yorkshire and also to attend a Banquet in a "The Scotsman, Kirkgate, which i am also looking forward to.





































































Have already been invited as a Guest of Honour to attend an evening at Two High Class Hostelrys / Cocktail Lounges in Leeds.... The Tam 0' Shanter and The Scotchman Hotel

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